I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
