So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
