Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
