Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
