btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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