What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
