Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
