My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The uberlube is also flammable
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
