i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
