even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
