You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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