I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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