you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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