Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
