broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
