I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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