Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
