does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
