the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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