I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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