Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
