he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have aggressive nipples.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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