Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize