I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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