Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Come on in and take your pants off
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