Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
