While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
