i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize