If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So. Much. Porn.
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