I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just found puke in my bra..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
