Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
