dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
