I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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