so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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