Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
