Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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