I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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