Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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