PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bring money and cleavage
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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