Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
