I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
