Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
