Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
