When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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