You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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