How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
