I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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