so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
