That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
