I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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