kristin has been a bad kristin
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
