Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
