he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
