I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
