You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
