I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
