He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
