I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
