He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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