We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
