meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
