Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
