I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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