I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
