sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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