my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize