youre lurking in front of me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
