I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
