maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
