every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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