the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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