She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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